The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): You know, the thing about bad movies is that they're bad movies. There's fun trash in books and music, stuff that you know is garbage but you can get a kick out of anyway. That doesn't seem to be the case with movies, though, and this is a case in point. I saw this figuring that this would be so bad it would be good, like those hilarious Godzilla pictures. You probably already know the plot to this movie anyway, but in a nutshell, it goes like this: a group of college kids visit an old abandoned house for no good reason, and are gruesomely slain one by one by a deranged family of good'ol Texas psychopaths, chief among the clan "Leatherface" wielding a chainsaw. The film doesn't ever bother to entertain me; aside from the brief killings, there's no point to the movie. And considering that the killings are all over in a few seconds and aren't choreographed well, there's no point to them either. Long stretches when nothing in particular happens, grade-Z acting and a low, low budget: until Mystery Science Theater 3000 does the inevitable skewering, don't even bother. A legendary bad movie with a cult following is still a bad, almost unwatchable movie.
Grade: F
12 Angry Men (1957): A film that reaffirms your faith in the justice system and makes you proud to be a part of the American democratic system -- Sydney Lumet's tense, riveting courtroom drama is essentially a civics lesson in tolerance, fair play, egalitarianism, and other core values of the American way, and if only all moralistic civics lessons were this gripping. Henry Fonda stars as the lone juror to vote "Not Guilty" in a seemingly open and shut case of a boy accused of stabbing to death his abusive father; on the surface, there's no doubt as to the boy's guilt, but Fonda's nagging conscience won't let go of a few important details that cast doubt on the prosecution's version of the case. On a sweltering summer day (before the days of air-conditioning), the other 11 jurors simply want to to go home as soon as possible, but meddlesome Fonda wants to discuss the evidence before rendering a verdict. The men take turns defending their decision concerning the boy's fate, and slowly the tide turns toward Fonda's side... I don't want to give the ending away, but I will say that it's easily foreseeable from the very beginning. Set entirely in the same room (except for a brief bathroom break), the acting, script, and dialogue are superb; though Fonda was the only name star at the time, several of these actors became famous later (Ed Begley, Lee Cobb, Jack Marshall, Robert Webber, E.G. Marshall, a quite young [believe it!] Jack Klugman). This is one of the best examples of large ensemble casting I've ever seen; the characters dangerously teeter near stereotypes (the old racist, the recent immigrant who fervently believes in America, the angry "no mercy for criminals" burning fuse, the clownish slob who just wants to get out and see the ballgame, the cynically logical professional man) but with first-rate acting, they're completely believable and representative. The way the jurors slowly piece together the evidence, often drawing from their personal experience (such as the old man who observes that sometimes old, lonely people exagerrate stories in order to get attention) is nothing short of completely engrossing. A near-perfect film.
Grade: A+
20 Dates (1998): I guarantee that this documentary will vastly increase any heterosexual male's confidence with his prowess in the singles scene: if this annoying loser can somehow get 20 attractive women to go out with him in two months, then so can I (and hey, I'm much better looking than this Myles Berkowitz). It sounds like a good idea on paper -- Berkowitz, freshly divorced, decides to make a movie following him around on 20 dates with 20 different women, until he finds true love. Unfortunately, it's not too long before you remember an important truth: first dates are kind of boring, not to mention awkward, and unless one of the parties is a brilliant conversationalist, watching two people eat dinner together does not make for great cinema. And Berkowitz is definitely not a good conversationalist -- he's not even a very interesting guy, and neither are the women he goes out with (or at least none of them make an impression during their allotted five to ten minutes onscreen). The only interesting thing about the guy is a deepseated Francophobia -- everybody hates the French, as he states somewhere (I'm part Cajun and even I don't like the French), but I think that unlike most folks, he's really serious about it. He even turns down a girl he likes in every other way simply because he realizes she's speaking in a certain accent -- aha, she's French! Most of his dates go badly, and even he realizes that a lot of people don't like him -- which is easy to see why, since he's annoying and shallow (understatement). Amusing in spots, and informative in its unintentional way, but a pretty thin idea to warrant an hour and a half of running time.
Grade: C